To a ridiculously good-looking recent acquaintance

15 Apr

To a ridiculously good-looking recent acquaintance:

Eventually, I’m going to run out of ways to not admit that I’m madly—what’s the word?—obsessed with you. (See, I can’t resist a hesitation, however small it is.) I’ve tried poetry and prose and even prose poetry, although I’m not sure that’s a real genre. Anyway, I don’t even know you well enough to, you know, make a move or anything, so just consider yourself an object on which I will now project 21 years of romantic frustration. Try that on for size.

I mean, sure, I don’t have any relationship baggage, except from the ones in my head, but I’ve got plenty of personal issues so if that’s what you’re into, I’m all yours. But I’m still beating around the proverbial bush, so let me spell it out for you.

I think it’s called a crush. I like your eyes and your smile and your tight jeans and even that one tie you wore the other day, although you already knew that last one because you asked me if I liked it and I said yes. I also like your boxers with the comic strips on them, which I accidentally caught a glimpse of once. (It really was an accident, I swear.) I like how you’re not afraid to speak up in class and that you usually say something funny. I like it when you laugh at my jokes and I like the way my name sounds when you say it. I even like the way stale cigarette smoke smells on your clothes, although I don’t know why. I like that you like the same bands as me. I like that you’re nothing like anyone else I’ve ever liked. I like the way you sometimes hum to yourself absentmindedly and I like your Converse high tops. I like that you say “hello,” not “wazzup?” or even “hi.”

But I hate your sleeveless shirts and cutoff jean shorts. I hate that you put everything off until the last minute and then make me feel like a loser for doing what I was supposed to do. I hate the stab of jealousy I feel when you talk to other girls. I hate your slow, reluctant way of speaking. I hate that you seem so perfect right now and that I think about you so much. I hate that I’m even writing this. I hate that a list of your faults turned into a list of mine. I hate knowing with absolute certainty that nothing can ever come from any of this. I hate having a fantasy life that’s so much more exciting than the real one.

I wrote another two pages about our fantasy date, but I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to tell you about it, even in an anonymous, unsent letter. So I’ll leave that to your imagination and instead simply thank you for being a pleasant distraction at a time when I really needed one.

Sincerely,

K.

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One Response to “To a ridiculously good-looking recent acquaintance”

  1. Amanda June 7, 2009 at 6:40 am #

    You have put into words my torture. Ugh, why do all the best ones have to be so intimidating?

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