Dear childhood best friend

17 Apr

D.S.

But, as much as I love you, I cannot watch you ruin your life and throw it away. I don’t really know exactly what to say to you, honestly. I’m disappointed, and maybe me being disappointed doesn’t mean anything to you, but I also feel that maybe it should mean something to you. If you really meant what you said to me in the hotel, that I am your best friend and that you don’t want to lose me, then I have a few suggestions. I can’t be around you in the condition that you’re in. I refuse to just accept the way you live as it being “all that you can be.” I know you better than that, and I think you can be so much more. Yeah, that sounds cliche, but I mean it. I’m sorry, but until you’re clean and can spend a day without drinking, smoking or using whatever other substance you need to complete your day, I can’t keep coming around because it just upsets me.

I can’t watch you ruin my perception of you anymore. Call me when there’s something to do and you still want to see me. Call me when you can go a day without coming home from work, cracking open a beer and lighting the bowl. Call me when you realize that I’m probably the best friend you’ve ever had, but realize that even though I thought you were mine, maybe you never treated me that way. I know you know I am disappointed. I know you know I expect more from you. I can see it in your eyes.

I love you.

A.

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