Dear Support System

19 Apr
Dear Rockhurst,

You left for college in the spring of ’08. I have missed you since. You were always there for me, picking me up even when I was out of the way and spending the night even when you had better options with better friends. You were my number one support system. You made me realize who I would hurt if i were to commit suicide and the impact I leave on others. When you left I was mad at you. I needed you to stay at home with me and take care of me. I was still cutting myself to relieve the pain inside my body, the pain that consumed me. Since then I have lost the urge to cut but I have also lost you. We never talk anymore. You cared when you found out when I was put in the hospital for depression, self injury, and suicidal thoughts but then when I was discharged you were gone as quickly as the sky darkens after a bolt of lighting. I will never forget what you have done for me but I am still mad. You will be missing my graduation this year. I finally got through my high school years and you will not even be there to see it. I love you but i hate you. You let me get so mad at you for something you have nothing to do with, yet you do not respond to my texts. You say to call until you pick up yet you do not answer the phone when I need you the most. I do not know where I stand with you any more. IN the past you where my rock on which I held my foundation but now you are the turtle that leaves its child before it is ever born. I do not know where I stand with you but I do know you kept me alive and now I hope you will do it again. I need you so much but you never seem to care any more. So do I call or do I just fall out of the nest still learning to fly knowing that there will be no guardian to catch me when I go crashing to the ground?

-Alexandra
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