Dear Mother

29 Apr

Dear Mother,
The longer I have thought about it, the more I have thought you were wrong.  In my mind it has and will always be until death do we part, not until disagreement.  Things were rough, that much is correct.  But when he fell on his face, instead of being the first to extend a hand, you kicked him in the side and left him in the gutter.  He may have made a few mistakes but you are not without blame.  For every time that you called him an insufferable prick, I’m sure that he felt like you were an insufferable bitch.  You can’t control your mood and you have had an alcohol problem since I was in middle school.  You like to pretend that it was caused by his new job in a new state.  But it wasn’t. At all.  You also pretended that coming back would make everything better, and as things got worse you shirked the blame.  Now, you have two kids who are failing and two kids who are getting out.  With you left to you own devices, I can only begin to wonder how drastically your health will
decline with the combined effects of extreme drinking and being perpetually sedentary.  The hardest part of is realizing that you were always this way.  You shape stories so you come out on top, because of your insecurity with always being on the bottom.  My whole life, it was one story when I was around and then a completely different story around your friends.  You put on a huge show like you were a great mother, when, in truth, you were one of the worst.  I would have rather had a consistently bad mother than one who pretended she was a ray of sunshine.  You spend money like you are rich, but you have so little that you can’t afford food for you kids.  You act like you are superior when each of your kids wishes for someone else.
That someone else called me the other day.  He said, “I miss your mother and the kids.” And it tore at my very soul because he said it like a man who would do anything to have changed.  You would like to think that it is more like that old friend, you know the one who always says that you should hangout soon but it never happens.  Well Mom, that old friend is you.

With less love each time we speak,

Your son

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One Response to “Dear Mother”

  1. Ashley May 4, 2009 at 7:01 pm #

    This is practically the mirror of my childhood/adolescence. It gets better. I promise.

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