Dear Self

3 May

Dear Self,

Since you can’t seem to take your own advice, I thought maybe I could inspire you with the opposite of your own advice. Read this and think about it carefully.

The Grand List of Post-Breakup Anti-Advice

1. Assume that when you haven’t heard from friends in a while, it’s because they don’t want to have anything to do with you. 2. Don’t give him time, your needs are more urgent! 3. You can do it all on your own, don’t let others see you weak. 4. Don’t tell your love how you really feel because of what other people will think and say about you. 5. Do anything to alleviate your pain when you’re miserable, regardless of its effects on others. 6. Distance yourself and protect your heart. 7. Gossip all you want in order to feel better about yourself. 8. Alienate others as “weird” so that you don’t have to deal with them and so you feel you have social authority. 9. Act on your hormones when they’re the only thing making you feel good about yourself. 10. Cry alone in your room and don’t ask for help–it is okay to wallow in your misery. As a matter of fact, send everyone an angsty Facebook message while you’re at it. 11. Run away from and ignore your pain. 12. Convince yourself that you’ve been abandoned and that no one is obligated to care about you anymore. 13. Dress really grungy to match your outside with what you feel on the inside. 14. Be awkward around your ex every time you see him. 15. Whatever you do, DO NOT discuss the breakup with him. There. Think about it. Then decide what how you want to act.

Sincerely, Yourself

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