Dear “Remember when we were happy?”

2 Jun

I regret doing everything I did to you.
I’m sorry that you cry every night.
I’m sorry I’m not knocking on your door right now. With flowers & chocolates.
And giant sweet tarts.
Your favorite.
I regret everything.
Everything besides the time I told you I loved you. The time we cuddled all day. The times you couldn’t stop smiling. Especially not the times we would kiss.
Remember when we were happy?
I am a complete, and total dick.
I do not know how to treat you right. Obviously..
But I want to learn.
If you gave me one more chance; to make things right.
Yes I know I said that before.
But this time I mean it baby.
I mean it.
I regret not being able to read these with you anymore.
I regret that you probably won’t even read these now either, because they remind you of me; and you hate me.
Elizabeth. We are young. I know that. But you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. and I believe I am in love with you.
I know you do NOT believe me.
I know that. I don’t blame you.
But baby, I could say it over, and over, and over. You are all I need in this crazy life. And when I say that; I mean it.
I couldn’t stand the fact that you were happy without me.
I didn’t know what to do.
I was weak, and that is another thing I regret.
I don’t know how to put it in words, how incredibly much you mean to me. You are perfect; you are flawlessly imperfect.
I’ll find someone new, eventually, but I’ll be thinking of you.
I know that you have James now.
And baby, you say he loves you for you.
But I love you for you more.
I’m SUCH a god damn bastard.
Can we please start over?
Can we please go back to that day I first saw you. Where my heart skipped a beat.
Or the day where we were just chillin on my couch, and you lay your head on my stomach, and you said you could hear my heart beat. And then you felt yours, and you said they matched. We are a perfect match.
Well, no you are the perfect match for me, and James is the perfect match for you.
I’d be glad if he made you happy.
Truly.
It just I can still feel my heart breaking. And YOU are the only one.
I will always be here baby.
always.. if you need anything, if you ever feel you are alone, RIGHT here. You do not, and can not understand how much I regret this. How much I regret that day I saw your eyes fill up with tears, and you got up and left. I know you have gone through hell, and back, to be with me. I know you have given me chance, after chance. And I do not expect you to give me another.
I just want you to know.
I love you.
So insanely much.
And when you put your head to your pillow tonight, please, do not let one tear fall from those beautiful blue eyes. I hope you fall asleep with a smile on your face.
And i hope one day, whether it is tomorrow, or the day you take your last breath, I hope you think of me, and I hope you smile.
I regret throwing away your love for me.
I regret leaving that hole in your heart empty.
I regret you letting someone else take it.
As selfish as that is, I regret it.
I regret you loving me.
I regret breaking your heart.
I regret breaking something that meant so much to me.

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