Dear Dad

3 Jun

Dear Dad,
I hate you. I’m not used to hate, and I don’t like the feeling one bit. But I cannot forgive you for what you did. I lost all the faith, trust, and love I had put into you for fifteen years that day. You were my hero, my Superman. I can’t even remember the happy times we spent together. Isn’t that sad? All I can remember are the bad times, like that time you threw me across the room because I spilled some milk. Remember that? Or do you remember the time you threw a pair of shoes at Elizabeth during a particularly bad fight? I do. And that’s all I remember, even though I know we loved each other at one point in time.
You ruined our family. Absolutely ruined us. By stepping out on Mom, you crushed my vision of you as a god, you made Mom loony, and Elizabeth…well, I guess she’s the same. A little more surly, but about the same. Mom and I fight all the time since you left. She punches me, hard. And I guess it’s better than the times you hit me, but she does it more often. When Elizabeth comes home, she has to deal with me and Mom hating each other. And it’s all because of you. If you had just had some goddamned control, maybe you and Mom could’ve patched things up.
Mom cries, and blames herself for what you did. I hate you for that. While you wallow about how things aren’t the same, Mom tries to move on and be happy, but knowing that you, her husband for eighteen years, the father of her two children, chose a petite bitch to sleep with breaks her heart.
So, Dad, I hate you. A lot. I cannot stand you, I cannot stand to be around you, and every time you start to whine about how things aren’t the same, I want to punch you in your sorry mouth.
You used to mean the world. And in one stupid decision, you crushed everything.

Your daughter,
Rachel

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2 Responses to “Dear Dad”

  1. Amanda June 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm #

    I want you to know that just because he’s your father doesn’t mean you have to be like him. I hate my own father, but I’ve seen my own siblings duplicate his actions in their own lives. I’ve vowed to never do that. I hope that you can end the chain of horror that runs through your family. Take strength and good luck.

  2. Ashley June 4, 2009 at 4:45 am #

    I used to hate my Mom for reasons similar to this…I just want to pass on the best advice I have ever received: “forgiving someone isn’t about letting them win, it’s about deciding to not let them hurt you anymore”.
    You can have control over the situation and someday you will…it will take time, and it will be hard, but someday things will be Okay. I promise.

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