Dear Best Friend

4 Jun

Dear Best Friend,

You make me feel like I’m meant to be here. You remind me that I was put on this Earth to be myself, and that others benefit from my existence. I want to call our connection brother-sister, but I don’t have brothers and I’m not sure if the term applies. I’ve never had to edit myself in front of you. You find joy in who I am. I can’t say that for anyone else, besides maybe my sisters. Maybe. You are handsome, you like to hug, you are passionately loyal to your family, and you take care of so many people. You’re such a blessing to this world, and to me.

I thought for a long time that I was in love with you. I probably was. But I know now that I can’t ever have you that way. And it’s no ones fault. Even after you told me, I knew I still loved you, and I know that I always will. I can’t picture my life without you in it.

I’m happy for you that you have finally come to terms with who you are. I am supportive. You’re already on my list of people that I’m fiercely loyal to (and that’s a pretty high place to be, I don’t let just anyone on that list)!

You are more of a man than many I know. And that’s why it’s hard for my to realize that I can’t have you for myself… at least in “that way.” I am going to need you to remind me that there are men out there, who aren’t gay, who will appreciate me exactly as I am. It’s going to really hard for me to believe it until I see it. And I don’t forsee it happening anytime soon. I am going to need you to cheer me on and keep reminding me that I’m worth something, that I’m worth more than I even know. Without that influence in my life, I don’t know what I would do.

Thank you. Thank you for not dating me, thank you for not marrying me. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I had children with you and then found out you weren’t attracted to me physically. Thank you for telling me now, before I spent all summer falling in love with you again. Thank you for holding my hands, looking me in the eyes, and promising me that I’m not “too much” or “too little.” You are the only person in my life that I truly believe when they tell me that, and you are the only person outside me immediate family that loves me passionately and isn’t afraid to do so.

Thank you for being on my side. Thank you for everything. I want you to be in my wedding someday. I want one of my children to have your name, at least as a middle name or something. The man you find someday will have to endure my is-he-good-enough-for-you test, so warn him ahead of time! And if you decide not to adopt children, you can certainly have all of mine. You’ll be our adoptive uncle.

I want you in my life. And in a strange way, this ensures that I won’t ever have to lose you.

I love you more than I can express.

Sincerely,
The girl with fireflies on her roof

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