Dear You

5 Jun

Dear You,

You are gorgeous. I wasn’t lying to you when we sat together the other night. I think you are one of the most attractive people I know, both inside and out.  I’m so afraid that you don’t think this about yourself after I turned you down. I want to explain to you what was going on in my head then because I need things to be fixed. I can’t live with this awkwardness anymore.

I wish you had told me when I was more intoxicated, or you more sober.  Things would have probably been different, and more than likely more people than me would have found out that you were also into girls.  I know that is not what you want, so I suppose that was the best way for it to have happened. I wanted to kiss you more, but I can’t let myself if you don’t want to be public.  I love you dearly as a friend, and I think it would kill our friendship if something happened.

I know you aren’t ready to come out.  You told me you would tell me sober the things you told me when you were drunk… Perhaps we ran out of time before I had to leave, perhaps you were embarrassed from what happened.  Please don’t be, by the way. You obviously needed to say it out loud, and I know how much it can hurt to keep something like that secret. I hope that sometime when you aren’t drunk you can tell me.  It can be after your feelings change for me; I just want you to know that someone is there supporting you.  Coming out was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and continues to be hard as people find out.

My thoughts are so muddled now… I can’t imagine what your mind has to be going through.  I wish we would have talked about it before I left.  I want to talk to you about it, but I don’t want to text you or IM you about it. I need this to be in person.  I need to be able to look you in the eye and tell you that I care about you, that I want you, that you are one of my best friends.

Love,
Me

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