Dear Mom

8 Jun

Dear Mom:

I really hate you. I know you’re not supposed to hate your mom, but I don’t think you really count as a mom. I’ve tried to kill myself twice because of you, because of the things you say to me, the punches you give me. But you don’t know it because you never pay attention to me. Every time you hit me or slap me, I hate myself and you even more. Sometimes I wish I could hit you back, and one of these days I will. I cannot wait to get out of the house, just to be away from you. I’m becoming more suicidal each day, all my friends but one have left me, and the one I have left is leaving next month. I will be completely alone. I can’t talk to anyone about this, because they’ll probably freak out and send me to psychologists and counselors. That’s not what I need; I need you to get out of my life. Because of you, I don’t think I’ll ever want to have children, and if I do have some, I won’t let you meet them, your personality is way too toxic.It’s not my fault you got pregnant with me when
you were 17. It’s your own fault for being so stupid, if you should take it out on anyone, it should be yourself, not me. When you make your little acidic comments, I just want to harm myself. I can’t escape anywhere; people bully me at school and at home. You don’t support me at all, and that really hurts. You laugh at my dreams and attempts, at my clothes, at my trying to be different and happy. You’re so insecure and bitter, and you like to blame it on me and make me feel like crap. I hope you’re happy that you’ve scarred me for life, that the only memories I have of my childhood are not happy ones, but painful and ugly ones. I hope you’re happy in hell, too.

your dearest daughter,

Anna Maria

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Dear Mom”

  1. someone June 8, 2009 at 9:35 pm #

    Don’t let it get to you, I know where you are coming from. Confide in a teacher at school, a counselor, someone, because it is a GREAT burden off of your shoulders to have someone to talk to, to joke with. To have someone understand is to gain power in yourself. By keeping this secret, your mom is winning. Be strong, stay strong. There are always people who are willing to love you; be willing to let someone in to help you and things WILL get better. I know it.

  2. Amanda June 8, 2009 at 10:50 pm #

    I know nothing I can say will fix things, but you’re not alone in the world. My dad hates me and I know that, he told me everyday of my childhood. I stayed because I had to make sure my mom was okay. It wasn’t until I was out of the situation that I realized that he had no power over me. No matter what she does she can’t crush you. I finally got away from my dad and I haven’t spoken to him for 6 months and they have been the happiest 6 months of my life. Someday you’ll get out, you just got to hold on till you get out. You say that people will think you’re a freak, trust me there are people out there who will not think of you as a freak. If you’re in a small town try making online friends. Try the postsecret forums, there are a lot of people going through pain there and if you can find someone to confide in it makes it that much easier. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get out before she gets the best of you. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email me at punkwc@gmail.com

  3. sethe June 9, 2009 at 3:20 pm #

    I know what you’re going through right now. I was once in that same position 20 years ago. I tried to take everything in. Until I rebelled when I was a teen (15-18 y.o.) . One thing I can tell you is that there is still a chance for you guys to fix things up and talk. My relationship with my parents only improved after I tried to run away from home for 5 times, they got tired of me running away from them and we came to a compromise. I went through hell like you, but I chose to forgive them, instead. Now, look at us as if nothing bad ever happened to me. I forgave them, and they forgave me back. Stay strong… do not let things bring you down. If your Mom is beyond repair.. then, just be patient and wait until you are able to get away from her. Even if you think that she doesn’t love you… do not stop loving yourself… killing and hurting yourself is not the answer.

    May God be with you always!

    I will pray for you, and that I promise you!

    Hugs and kisses!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: