Dear Jim

4 Jul

Dear Jim,

I’m sorry I fought with you the day you died. If I had known when you got in to that car that you would be dead five minutes later, I would have hugged you and told you how much you meant to me. You meant the world to me. I never got to say goodbye. I will be living with that guilt for the rest of my life. It is the storm, the waves, that I fight daily. I wonder if you really did love me. People say you did because you were my brother. Do you remember that fight that we had three days before the car accident? The one where I said that I wish you were dead? Dear god, I wish that fight never had happened. Brothers fight. I know this, but I wish we never had. My guilt is my hell..



One Response to “Dear Jim”

  1. Diana July 5, 2009 at 3:25 pm #

    Oh my gosh… I’m currently dealing with some guilt issues for having hurt someone who’s no longer in my life, but who’s still out there… and that’s really hurting… so I can only imagine what you must be going through, but as you said, brothers fight. I know I fight with my family and I often say some pretty nasty things that I can’t help, but I don’t really mean them and I know that when they’re gone I may well regret these with all of me and more. If it helps any, I personally believe in most such cases they (the family, most families…) know you don’t really mean it, that you actually love each other and can count on each other. I know it’s a whole lot harder to believe it when it comes to your own life, but maybe it’s a little bit easier to hear it from someone else. I hope you can work this out.

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