Dear Fear

19 Jul

Dear Fear,

I have known you for many years now. You’ve were a constant companion, my ‘friend’ and my comfort.

I felt your presence inside me whilst in the playground, telling me to run, run away from those big girls threatening to flush your head down the toilet.  You said “Your too weak to deal with them. Run little girl run.” So I did.

Your lingering, persistent mutterings filled my head, as Luke Davies tried to kiss me for the first time.  “Run little girl run,” you whispered.

I listened to your ‘wisdom’ during exam week, back in 1995.  Your words to me were, “Come on, this is too hard for you, you will fail. Run little girl, Run.” So faithfully I listened.

I began to write stories and verse, but you advised me that they weren’t very good, “Give up Clare, these are rubbish. Run girl Run,” I listened and joined the army instead.

The day my period was late, your voice pierced my heart, “You know you won’t be a good mum, you can’t keep it – “Run, Clare Run!!” I believed you.

After my first and only real romantic love left me, you embedded an eternal message, “They will all leave you, please don’t ever do that again.” Bless you I thought.

You have been around me an awful lot since.  Can you remember when we fell out a couple of years ago?  The day I finally started college and then passed my exams.  I felt your urgent message trying to seep into my mind, but I rebelled, didn’t I? Then I did it again the following year.  I was beginning to live without you and do you know what? It felt good.  I no longer believe you to be my friend.  The comfort factor has also slipped away.

I know you have tried to talk to me recently, with regards to my writing, but I can no longer allow you to interrupt me. You see, you don’t keep me safe and protected, you keep me in danger of wasting my life.  Don’t get me wrong Fear, I don’t mind you popping up now and again as you do have your place, but I won’t allow you to stop me fulfilling my dreams anymore.

Kind Regards
Clare

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2 Responses to “Dear Fear”

  1. lydia July 20, 2009 at 4:47 am #

    Congratulations to you for taking control over your ‘fears’ and living your life as you chose. Taking control requires an inner strength and determination that many of us have yet to realize that we already possess within us. Your letter provides much needed hope. Thank you. Blessings and continued success, lydia

  2. afatilookonlife July 21, 2009 at 5:26 am #

    Alas, a happy ending! You’re a great writer :). Shut up, fear!

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