Dear Mom

21 Jul

Dear Mom,It can happen to anyone
So I asked you for advice today (mock advice, i wanted you to talk to my baby girl so she would feel connected to you)…I try (really try) to keep our relationship going; calling you at least once a week, hiding all that I feel from you.  I wanted to ask what i should do about my husband’s mom’s dog biting our daughter (7). instead of giving advice you chose to use this opportunity to AGAIN talk about all that you had given up for me. How when I revealed to you that dad liked to have me suck on his penis you were “so angry and upset, and yet didn’t confront him because that is what I wanted”. Funny, every time I bring this actual subject up you blow me off and treat me as if i was some sort of hysterical, crazy person making up stuff. You always manage to make yourself into the person who was wronged and can never remember that it was me that ‘got’ to have sex with daddy when you weren’t interested.  then you blamed (and continue to blame) me, never saying as much, but intimating it at every chance you get. Making sure you get the message across that i should have known better. i should not have “taken away your man”. I WAS EIGHT! and that is at the oldest.  I remember asking you to tell daddy that I didn’t want to take a bath with him anymore and you responding by saying “I don’t want him making me feel guilty… you tell him”. So how can you not have known? Why didn’t you even try to protect me? My husband says he is mad at my dad for what he did to me… no matter how much i try to explain, he doesn’t get it! i am mad at you! i hate you… with every single fiber of my being i hate you! now that i am a mom and realize how passionately i want to take care of my little girl, i realize exactly what a horrible parent you are! you knew the whole time, but didn’t want to give up the money he brought into the home. i feel guilty for not feeling guilty about not wanting you on this earth anymore… and i feel even worse for still wanting you to love me enough to care about something in my life! to care about your own granddaughter!  i don’t believe in gods or goddesses, but i wish i could believe that there could be something, somewhere that would hurt you the way you have hurt so many people around you! I can’t wait until your funeral, where i can finally tell all of the small town folks that think you are so fantastic and trust you with their children, what a truely awful human being you really are! i hope no other girls get hurt because you let a pedophile (your current husband) into ballet class with little girls! i don’t tell anyone because no one would believe me…since you are such a ‘paragon of virtue’ in your community. so i write it here….in silence…hoping someone will read this and look at their enviroment and know….IT CAN BE ANYONE!

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2 Responses to “Dear Mom”

  1. warwick July 22, 2009 at 2:03 am #

    i am frequently amazed that there are people out there who have had experiences similar to my own, because they are experiences that seclude a person more than make them feel open to the world. i have written letters like this to my own mother, and have similar feelings about revealing her true nature to the world after she is gone.

    i have written very similar words and hoped the same things- that, in reading what i write, people will look around them and know that the real monsters look just like everyone else.

  2. Virginia July 28, 2009 at 2:10 am #

    Poor dear,
    You are not alone. You are goodness, and kindness, and a GOOD mother. It’s okay to tell someone about your mother so that she can’t put other little girls at risk. It will probably, in her twisted soul, be a relief to her, to have the cesspool that is her life removed from her control.
    If my mother was alive, I would prosecute.
    xoxo,
    Virginia

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