Dear You

4 Sep

Dear You,

Ever since that first time I started chatting to you on a certain website I knew I had met someone who would change my life.And I hated that feeling.
Knowing that my heart would be crushed again,but for the first time in ages,I let my guard down.
I suppose it was my fault we met,because I constantly searched that site looking for someone new,someone who didn’t know my story,someone who I could pretend to be someone else to.And there you were.

We talked for weeks online,then exchanged numbers and after a few months arranged to meet up.You were everything I wanted.But I wasnt ready for getting what I wanted.I wanted to keep myself to myself like always,but I slipped up when it came to you-I let you in.
Though lately I’ve pushed you away and told you that you mean nothing to me because I don’t want you to get caught up with me,and I think you know this so you pretend not to see me or don’t text anymore but I know you’ll always be there.

I must admit you know very little about me,you have me on face value.
And I could always tell you wanted to know about my life.When we would lie in bed awake until 6,7,8 am,sometimes i wanted to tell you things,but when I opened my mouth I couldnt get the words out.
Not because I was scared you would judge me,I was scared I would judge myself for being so weak as to rely on someone else.

Sometimes I would tell you things from my childhood,but I would make sure I painted a content,fun loving picture and this wasnt’t always the case.You know this in your heart,but you wouldnt dare make a comment as you know I would run a mile.

You know by now i’m a very strong person and don’t show my feelings.I dont talk about my mum trying to kill herself,or my father having affairs,or how my brother cant look me in the eye because he sees my mum stareing back-and this chills him to the bone..and yet I’m telling all of this to a stranger..

For once in my life,I’ve said too much.

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