Dear Grandma

6 Sep

Dear Grandma,
Can’t you see what’s happening? I don’t know how you can’t. Or maybe you just don’t try. You’re killing yourself a little bit each day. Every time you put Please Stop Grandmaone of those cigarettes in your mouth my heart breaks a little more. Your husband died almost ten years ago because of the very same thing. So why? Why the hell would you keep doing this to yoursef when you know exactly what’s going to happen. I just don’t understand. The alcohol doesn’t help, either, but that’s not really the point. I don’t see you very much anymore, because my parents don’t like going into your house. But every time I do, you look worse and worse. And I just wonder how…
How do you keep doing this without making an effort to stop?
How do you look the people you love in the eye, when you KNOW. YOU KNOW that’s exactly how grandpa died. You saw him suffer and you saw what it did to him, he was so young, and he just gave his life away.
How do you live with yourself when you know that you’re doing the exact same thing to yourself.
How do you ignore people’s pleas to stop?
It hurts Grandma, it really does. I just wish you’d stop.
At least now I can promise you and everybody else that I will NEVER smoke anything, or drink alcohol for that matter. I’m almost 19, and I’ve resisted all the pressure so far.
I just can’t stand living like this, knowing that any day you could be taken.
But maybe it’s what you want. Maybe you’ve just had enough and want it all to end. I don’t see how it’s possible, but maybe. And if that’s the case, then I’m really sorry Grandma.
But you still could’ve tried. For us.
From your granddaughter
Even though it’s me who’s writing I’m pretty sure everybody else feels the exact same way. Except you, of course.

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