Dear Mum and Dad

10 Sep

Dear Mum and Dad,

I don’t know why you ignore my problems, but you do. I try to be diplomatic when I think about it, but I just can’t see how you justify it.

I have been slicing my skin open for over a year. I have thousands of scars. I could make hundreds of new wounds in a day. In a night. In an hour. And you’ve known for months. Did you ever say anything? NO. Did you try to help me? NO. Did you make sure I was okay? NO

I feel like the love you’re supposed to have for me, that you tell me you have for me, isn’t enough. I feel like the situation is too bad for that love to make you want to help me. I feel like you don’t love me enough to be willing to go through this with me. You will never know what that is like.

I don’t understand. I know it’s hard and I know you don’t get it, but isn’t cutting myself every night enough of a problem to get you to pay attention? Don’t you think that cutting your arms and legs might have some kind of problem behind it? Maybe I need help to figure out what the heck is going on? Obviously not.

I just wanted you to know that it was never okay for you to just ignore this. I have nearly killed myself so many times by accident. I needed you and you weren’t there. I’m figuring out why I do this with my counsellor. Its working. Now I’m doing this on my own and I don’t need you. Don’t you dare try to help me to make it look like you care when people start talking about it. Don’t you dare.

I still love you.

Your Daughter.

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One Response to “Dear Mum and Dad”

  1. A daughter, mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother September 10, 2009 at 8:09 pm #

    Honey, you are expecting more than is humanly possible from your parents. While you cry inside for help, they cry inside in feeling helpless. It is more than they can handle. Stop thinking about them and think of yourself.
    Know you are precious. Know you are beautiful. Know you are a wonderful person. In the past you enjoyed something about the cutting — got some sort of feeling of accomplishment from it, even if it was just the satisfaction that you could cut yourself and do it. Even that was a feeling of accomplishing something. But it’s no good for you. Put it behind you and go forward without it.
    Feel my arms around you and a soft big hug for you today and everyday. You’re good and worthy. I love you.

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