Dear My “Bestie”

19 Sep

Dear My “Bestie”,

I’ve been in love with you for so long, but you seem to find it fun to play with my feelings. I’ll always be your rebound girl. You’ll never see me as anything else. I get so depressed, I can’t even look at myself anymore. You changed who I was and what I wanted in life. I wish you could see what you really did to me. Telling me I’m not pretty enough to date, yeah, that’s why I have an eating disorder. Making rules for me so we can date and then breaking every single one of them for someone who is like what….four years younger than you. Dude, you’re a total pedo with that one! You’re 19! What’s wrong with you? I was happy when you two broke up and I’m glad I told her you two wouldn’t work because you were going to college, but that was your fault too for giving that dumb bitch my number anyways.

She screamed at me, for things you said to me…not things I said to you. You told her everything I told you as a secret, what kind of best friend does that? She wasn’t my friend, I didn’t even know her name, nor did I care.

You told me, you wanted to date me after you two broke up. We messed around that weekend I came to see you. You were the first person to ever see me naked and touch me, then you threw me aside like nothing! Why? Because you “didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” New flash! It’s been ruined! I wish you could see this and see what you do to me? I stopped telling you things a long time ago. I mean, you don’t even know that I cut myself or that I haven’t been eating. You think I’m okay.

Our friendship is only there when you need something, you’re too busy now trying to meet a new girl. I wish you would have just given us a try, because I knew I would have been the best thing to EVER happen to you. Yet, for some stupid reason…I keep trying. I’m gonna send you this site through Skype, if they post it. Because, then you’ll see my true feelings.

I wish, just for once, you’d take your own advice and take a risk. You think it’ll ruin our friendship, but it won’t. You playing with me is always gonna ruin us, I’m never gonna get over you and I’ll never be okay with you dating someone else. It’ll just make my depression worse…but that doesn’t matter to you anymore.

I guess, I’m the one who isn’t worth it and I’m sorry, that you feel that way. I’m sorry for everything that happened between us…and I fear that maybe this will be the last time you ever hear from me because I don’t think I can hold on anymore


One Response to “Dear My “Bestie””

  1. Amanda September 21, 2009 at 6:44 am #

    i know your pain my friend. My “bestie” hasn’t necesarily toyed with me so extravagently, but in our little highly religious world he pretty much has. I haven’t told anyone this. I don’t want children, but if he married me I would have 1000 children if he wanted to. I love him more than myself and he doesn’t even realize. I’m hoping he’ll grow up one day and realize the HUGE error of his ways. So the best of luck to you. And as I said I wrote for him
    “I know things won’t be perfect
    But I hear that it’s worth it
    And you’re all I’ve ever wanted in this life
    So let’s try. Let’s try, lets try”
    and if you ever hear that song (fingers crossed) know that a corner of it is for you.
    Best of Luck
    Amanda, a girl with a dream.

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