Dear Abuser

10 Nov

Dear Abuser,

I was only a child. I’m STILL a child, or so I would like to think. You would never think to lay a hand on me now. I’ve found a voice somewhere in a box in the attic, tuned it up and decided to play with it. But my question now is why? Why did you think it was OK to hit us? Do you honestly think throwing things, chasing, beating and yelling at children for little things is a good parenting tactic? I fear for the one who is in your care now.

Sometimes I would think I deserved it. Maybe everyone’s parents hit their children. Maybe all children weren’t allowed to cry or they’d get beat. Maybe it was normal to be like slaves in a home you only visited once a month. Maybe it was normal to cry on your way to see your father, and not because of excitement but for fear of what would happen that weekend.

I don’t think it’s normal. I don’t think what you did was right. And I don’t think I owe you anything.

You say I don’t call enough. I say you’re not my father, so why sould I? Fathers don’t treat their daughters like an animal they can manipulate. They just don’t.

– Was I ever good enough?

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3 Responses to “Dear Abuser”

  1. kristin Shears November 10, 2009 at 7:59 pm #

    You are good! Your childhood was/is NOT normal. You never deserved it. This is not about you. I have been through this too. My step-daughter lives with me now, so that she could escape the abuse from her father. She cut off all contact with him. Two years later he is just starting to understand that his behavior has consequences. She will not be in a relationship with someone who has no respect, kindness, or love for her. His abuse stems from his childhood… which is no excuse for what he has done to his own children. There is a great book that really helps to explain what you have gone through. It is titled Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. It is mostly about adult relationships but it does have a chapter written about children and what they go through. It is eerie how similar the situations are. Treating you like a slave, not letting you cry, you are treated as a possession with no feelings of your own. I hope you get help, and please find a great support group. You deserve to be loved and to be safe. You don’t owe him anything, but you owe yourself a life full of peace and happiness. I hope you will stop trying to understand your father, and start working on the most important thing… having the wonderful life that you deserve. My step-daughter did just that, and she doesn’t regret her choices. She has made a really good life for herself, and I am so proud of her. I know you can too. I wish you all the best.

  2. Adrianna November 11, 2009 at 1:31 am #

    wow. This is one of my favorite letters ever. Amazing writing.

  3. Amanda November 12, 2009 at 2:42 am #

    remember: you are never alone.
    remember: you are worth immense amounts.

    My father treated my sister and I similarly, but my sister took the brunt of it. I owe her my life. She has so much emotional scarring from all the things he did, but I have come out almost unscathed. I wish there would’ve been someone there for her too, someone there for you as well. As long as you have a voice he can never control you.

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