Dear Boy

13 May

Dear Boy,

When you said, years and years ago, on that Wednesday, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I thought you meant it.

I thought the next day would be like any other. I thought you’d stand nervously by my locker and ask a silly question just to have an excuse for us to talk, or maybe I’d be the one nervously waiting outside the cafeteria, and we’d keep doing that dance.

The next day, when I didn’t see you, when your chair in art class was empty, I worked on my drawing alone, with no laughter, no teasing, no changing the radio station because the teacher liked us.

The next day, when I sat alone on the bleachers in gym class, I figured you were sick and would be back on Monday.

And then the days passed. And then the weeks passed, and someone else got moved into you chair across from mine in art class, and I sat alone on the bleachers during PE, and I painted a dragon in art class without you.

And then the years passed, and I still haven’t seen you, and I still don’t know where in the world you are, and I wish your name wasn’t so common and there weren’t hundreds of you because then maybe I could find you.

But I can’t. And I still haven’t seen you, and some silly part of me still thinks you’re going to be just around the next corner, smiling that familiar smile, and things’ll be like they were.

But they won’t, and I’ll never see you again, and while I know that, there’s part of me that can’t accept it.

I wish you’d just said goodbye. I wish you’d cared enough for that.

With heartache that’s never gone away,

O

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One Response to “Dear Boy”

  1. Amanda May 13, 2010 at 10:22 pm #

    That’s beautiful. I hope you find him! Its heart wrenching enough to have someone slowly fade out of your life. I can’t imagine the pain of having them just disappear. I wish the best of luck for you both!

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