Dear Father

17 Sep

Dear You,

I don’t know how your life works. I’m not sure if you recall the moments when you stole our childhood away from us. You probably don’t remember your drunken stupors or the many times your hand, or whatever was in your hand, hit us. And you probably don’t even think about every instance when you made us wish we were never born, especially to a man like you. You made us believe children were to be ridiculed, beaten and used for your every need, EVERY need. You made treating children like animals, or worse, look easy. I don’t want you to go on living life thinking you got away with it. My memories might be hidden, but they’re still there. Take every breath, take every guilt-tripped phone call, take every glance my direction and take every memory you might have of me for what it’s worth to you, but don’t for a second think I do any of it for you. The ONLY reason I even attempt contact is for one person, and it’s not you or me. And if you keep treating me with even the faintest character of what you treated me like when I was a child, you can only blame yourself for never seeing me again.

The daughter who never tells anyone that you exist

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2 Responses to “Dear Father”

  1. Josiah September 17, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    My father was similar to this. I just want to say that it’s amazing you even contacted him again. I left my father behind four years ago when I finally got up the courage to step away and take care of myself.
    Good luck!

  2. Ingrid Freitag October 1, 2010 at 3:59 pm #

    The following Letter to a Distant Healer is not really a reply to your post, but I feel like sharing it here. I hope you don’t mind, Love and Light, Ingrid

    Healing Journey/Report to Distance Healer/ 1st published Aug5 (just had to get rid of some wrong spellings)
    von Ingrid Freitag, Samstag, 14. August 2010 um 15:20

    The following is a report I posted on Distance Healer’s wall and also on that of Restoring the Sacred Feminine. It is meant to encourage all those who happen to read it to seek healing and help there or wherever they are guided to.

    “Welcome back home, DH. Good to have you back here on FB again. Some weeks ago, I sent you a ‘private’ message,when feelings of sadness and shame due to experiences of sexual and psychological abuse in childhood and youth were flushed to the surface again after 25 yearsof not looking at them anymore. Up to the age of 30, I had committed suicide several times, at the age of 19 I was hospitalized for one year in a mental hospital and released AFTER I had jumped down from the second floor with the result of two broken ankles….From then on, I had only one goal: not to be hospitalized again, and I wasn’t. At the age of 30 there was a last attempt, I was in coma for 2 days and when I woke up, I somehow managed to behave calmly, so that I was released from hospital. I then withdrew from all people and cried incessantly for about 2 days in my bed, then I got up and decided finally to accept the fact, that I was meant to live on this planet…from that moment on, I consciously followed my path and received lots of spiritual help… Now at the age of 55, you, some mysterious DH, appeared from nowhere, I felt attracted because of the fact that you were offering free healing, so I thought then, not at all thinking of myself being in need of some healing, but being grateful for the love energy you are transmitting, it simply seemed to be a way of helping more people…When I received a personal answer to my message, I felt deeply grateful, I felt truly understood and loved and I had to shed more tears, I felt sorry for myself and after a while even stopped judging myself for that. I had physical symptoms when I wrote to you, my ankles were swollen, deeply red, from some allergic reaction it seemed, and hurt. After each healing session these symptoms were gone, only to appear again within the following day, sometimes my whole body hurt badly in the morning…At the same time I had lots of spiritual guidance in my dreams. Here is just one example: Last Saturday night while sleeping, I saw myself greeting perpetrators, who were standing in a semi-circle around me in some distance, with Namaste and I felt absolutely safe, I understood and felt clearly that I could honour their soul, send them Love and express I AM at the same time…Okay, this is my “coming out” on the wall. It is my heartfelt wish that it may give faith and trust to all fellow human beings who somehow feel that they were so deeply hurt that they could never be whole, holy again. Love and Light to all of you. One more thing: Through DH’s loving words in his message to me I came to realize that this unconditional Love is what God has for us, for each one of us, no matter what ‘sins’ we committed, it needed these words for me to really FEEL it as being the truth in the time after, there had to be this human vehicle DH to cross the bridge from feeling seperate to feeling One…I understand that this ‘coming out’ is also part of the healing journey…Namaste

    

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