Dear Santa

22 Dec

Dear Santa,
I know this year I have done things to my parents and said things I shouldn’t have. I know I have hurt people, I have hurt myself. I probably don’t deserve anything, but if you are to give me what I want, it isn’t something material.

I want to be better. I don’t want to be mentally ill anymore. I want to be able to live a normal, happy life a 15 year old girl should. I don’t want a label.  I want to be stable, and be able to treat my parents with respect. I try to, but the illness takes over. I want to be able to go a month without depression. I want to never have to face another hospitalization. I don’t want to have another hallucination. I don’t want to be delusional. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. I don’t want thoughts of suicide flooding my mind on a daily basis.

Also, I want my friend to be happy. He is gay, and he is depressed. The names he is called and the way he is treated is horrific. He has hurt himself and considered suicide many times. I want him to be happy, to accept himself, and ignore other peoples ignorance.

This is all I want, even if it is all you give me for the rest of my years, please make the world a better place for people with mental illness and for LGBTQ people.

Love,
Wishing for a more accepting world.

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3 Responses to “Dear Santa”

  1. Ingrid Freitag December 22, 2010 at 8:53 pm #

    Dear One,
    I am not Santa Claus, but I want to tell you that your wishes can come true. When I was your age I probably was pretty much like you (I am now 55), I felt terrible, was a runaway kid and was thinking of commiting suicide regularly. I saw the injustice in the world, how people who were different were treated badly and deeply hurt… Don’t give up on yourself, Light is always stronger than darkness and there must be much Light within you, because otherwise you couldn’t have written such a honest and beautiful letter. Much Love, Ingrid

  2. Ed December 22, 2010 at 10:10 pm #

    With all of my heart I hope more than anything that you have people in your life to tell you how amazing you are. I know full well this doesn’t make problems go away, but if those people can give you even a glimmer of hope then maybe they will make everything worth it.

    And hey, if not, you have me to tell you how amazing you are. Because you are amazing, for your compassion and selflessness if nothing else. Because in your letter you weren’t just worried for yourself, but for your friend. And for me.

    Yes, me. While I haven’t gotten the same treatment that your friend has (which is absolutely despicable and makes me want to punch the idiots who’d bully him but I digress) I am nonetheless a lesbian who’s currently dating another girl. So I worry about these sorts of things, even though I’m in college and college students are supposed to be more open-minded than most people. Anyway, my point is that I appreciate that you would ask for something as selfless as acceptance for us, a group of people that don’t feel accepted very often. That means a lot to me.

    So thank you for making my day a little brighter, knowing that there are good people in the world- you certainly seem to be one of them. I hope you can find your happiness, because you deserve it. More than most people do, probably. Happy holidays- hopefully literally- to you.

    Sincerely yours,
    Ed

  3. Marley December 24, 2010 at 5:57 am #

    I just have to tell you how much I love this letter. I hope that one day you will become better, and I believe that you will because it seems like you have the will to beat those terrible thoughts. Also, I’m so happy to see someone who has the hope that all people can be equal. It means so much to hear that I am not the only one hoping that my LGBT friends will see the same oppurtunities and acceptance as my straight friends.

    You are amazing.
    Much Love,
    M<3

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