Dear Everybody

18 Jan

Dear Everybody,

Every time you compliment me, I feel like something inside me breaks. I guess that’s wrong, but, on the other hand, there are so many things in my life that are wrong. I lie to everybody, and yet I talk to people about honesty and the importance of being yourself… I say I don’t care about what anybody thinks about me, but nobody actually knows me – because I guess I’m too scared of being rejected for who I am. If I talk too much, I feel like I’m being annoying. If I talk too little, I feel like I’m going to explode from everything that I keep inside. I sometimes get panic attacks at night, and I guess it’s because I get left alone with myself.

I guess if I didn’t care, everybody would know the truth about me, and my life wouldn’t be like some kind of a surreal movie. But I’m too freaked out to talk about my issues even with my family… Yet I know I can’t live like this anymore. I hate the world, and I guess it’s because I hate myself.

Please, don’t be too hard on me when I’ll tell you the truth. I may appear brave, cold, strong… Almost reckless… But, in reality, I’m just tired, unloved and really scared of being rejected.

Yours,
A huge, self-hating liar

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2 Responses to “Dear Everybody”

  1. Been There January 19, 2011 at 12:23 am #

    Dear huge self-hating liar,

    I’ve been there, I’ve done that. When I read this I actually thought it might have been a letter I wrote that I’d forgotten about.

    Be yourself. Follow your own advice. Confess to not being perfect. Some people will be cool with it, others won’t be. The ones that aren’t cool with it are not worth your time, but the ones that are will probably be there for you for forever.

    You will be rejected, but you will find that rejection is not as bad as you think it is now.

    Be brave. Take a few deep breaths. Then get on with the rest of your life.
    Good luck.

  2. me January 26, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    you just described myself. don’t worry, i know excactly what you’e going though and how hard it is. Things can only get better

    as Dr. Suess once said,

    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

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