Dear Detention Queen

14 Feb

Dearest Detention Queen:
Yes, this is detention number two in as many weeks.  Yes, I am frowned upon by the principal.  But that does not give you any right to look on me with disgust.  I am not a derelict; I am going places with my life.  I am in the top 10% of my class, I have been accepted to six prestigious schools.  I will not be working at Dairy Queen until retirement.  I will be out making the world a better place.
I got two detentions for — wait for it — ripped jeans.  Oh my god!  My knees were showing! Whatever shall we do?!  I don’t talk back to my teachers, I don’t cause disturbances.  I’m a good kid.
I had rips in my jeans the first time, yes, because I thought I could get away with it.  I mean, I have been cheating the dress code for three years now.  But the second time I had been up all night the night before, throwing up after a failed suicide attempt.  When I finally got to sleep after vomiting a lovely mixture of alcohol and pills for three hours, I slept for about two hours before waking up as my ride was entering my driveway and throwing up some more.  Forgive me for not paying attention to which pair of pants I put on.  I like to think I had a damn good reason.
So, Detention Queen, do not look at me with disdain, do not judge me because I can’t seem to wear pants that cover my knees.  Keep your opinions to yourself, and I’ll keep mine to myself.
the girl with holey jeans


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