Dear Parker

8 Mar

Dear Parker,
I wrote on my blog just a year ago about how from February 20, 2010 to now I would dedicate my life to you. I would live my life like you would have me live my life. And I did. I went out and made new friends, I tried new things without being afraid, and I enjoyed every second of it. You’d be 22 today. Who knows maybe you and her would be married now. Maybe you’d have found another lovely bride, or maybe you would still be single and loving it. But I know if you were alive today you’d be proud of me.
I still think about the weird way we bounded over drums on that forum we had to participate in. I think of all the great things you would tell me about drums and about life in France. I would explain how my love for drumline ran in my blood. Then when we got here, you and I were nothing alike. I was at a point in my life when I thought that cliques ruled the world. Well now I know better. You taught me better. You taught me not to judge a person just because they look popular. You taught me that sometimes the sweetest people are the beautiful people.
So I lived this year for you. I got some cuts and bruises, but I wouldn’t change anything. Right after your birthday last year I made a new best friend and just a few weeks ago she decided I wasn’t worth her time. The old me would still be depressed and broken, but I really learned to love myself over this year. I don’t even think all of my actions were conscious this year, but I still have you here. You’re still in my heart. I learned how talented I am. I learned how many people are intimidated by me. I learned that people actually want to be my friend. I never would’ve guessed that. But here I am. A new woman. Full of confidence and strength and a new outlook on life. Sure I’m still scared to go out and live my life at points, but I’m not afraid of sharing myself anymore.
Parker you’d be 22 today. You didn’t make it to 22, but I’m almost there. You changed me for the better. You gave your life to save a friend, and I can honestly say that in your death you saved me. I don’t know who I would be without you, but I know it would not be anywhere near I am right now. I love you Parker. I miss you. Be good.
See you in a bit.
Love,
Amanda

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