Dear Mom

9 Jun

Dear Mum,
You asked me why I laughed yesterday when you were telling the neighbor how well you knew me. Well I laughed because it’s funny how you pretend to everybody on the outside that you care about me and that you take an interest in me. I laughed because you think you know me. Well you couldn’t be more wrong. This is a list of all the things you don’t know about me:

-I self-harmed from the age of 11-18: I managed to recover from this by myself, without anybody’s help. The entire time this was happening you never noticed anything even though my arms were sometimes covered with up to 70 different cuts. Dad even joked once about whether I had been self-harming. Either you never noticed or you noticed and didn’t bother to ask.
-In my life I have been diagnosed by our doctor with anorexia with binge-purge tendencies, orthorexia and compulsive-over-eating disorders with bulimic subtype. I was ‘fussy’ according to you.
-I am currently having treatment for obsessive compulsive disorder which my doctor and therapist think I have had since I was a child. They said they cannot believe nobody noticed my behaviors before. Yeah, you really know me well.
-I workout, run and do strength-training for a reason. That reason is because last year one of my best friends tried to sexually assault me. I managed to fight them off. I was bruised but lucky. I workout because I want to be strong enough to fight anyone off if I need to do, whether for myself or somebody else. You really know me well.
-During high school, I used my own savings and earnings to pay for any trips or books or anything I needed so you didn’t have to give me any money. You complain that I have less savings that my brother for university. That is why. While he constantly asked you for money for school, food, shopping, going out etc, I stayed in, I got a job so that I could pay for things helpful to my education and so that I didn’t have to ask you and get told off for being so selfish and wanting money. -During my finals I had two nervous breakdowns because I had taken on so much and was so worried about getting the highest grades possible, because I wanted, for once, you to say you were proud of me.

And it’s not even the big things, I bet you don’t even know my favourite colour…

So that’s why I laughed, because you don’t know me at all. But it doesn’t matter because I didn’t need you, I got through it all on my own.



One Response to “Dear Mom”

  1. Alexqndra June 10, 2011 at 7:24 am #

    You are such a brave person, anyone and everyone is proud of you for achieving what you have. You are such a strong person as well, and one day you will find someone who will love and appreciate you and help you though life’s tough times.
    Stay strong, things will get better Xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: