Dear James

21 Jun

Dear James,

I miss you even though I see you everyday. I miss the man I was so in love with when I walked down the aisle and said “I do”. I miss holding that man. Kissing him. Talking to him.

I cry everyday. At night I lay down, and I am haunted by images of the current you. The one who would choose needles over your children. Who would rather get high than take care of us.

I wait every day for someone to tell me that you’ve died. That you will never walk through that front door again. That someday I will come home from work and find you cold.

My heart is filled with pain. The pain you put there by lying to me, stealing from me, abandoning me. Your using is killing me. Its killing you.

I can’t do this anymore, but I can’t find a way out because deep inside I hope the man I married will come back. That I will get to kiss him just one more time. Its all I hold on to.

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