Dear Those Who Pass By

30 Aug

To those who pass by:

I feel friendless. I feel like I will fail. I feel like time is slipping away. I am only sixteen. I cry more now than I ever have before. I give as much of me as I possibly can. I devote myself to good causes, I am a good person, I do my work. I try hard. But somehow I can’t find any reason to remain here.

Everytime I promise myself tomorrow will be better, and somehow it always manages to be worse.

I know it is my fault that I can’t keep up with the speed of life around me.
I know I am to blame for falling behind, and for messing up my chances.

I really want someone just to understand for once that I feel like I lack so much even though I seem alright.

I have helped with all my friend’s problems, I have sorted out the lives of others, but somehow I can not bring mine to mean anything.

I just want to sleep, because when I’m asleep I can’t screw up. I won’t make anyone else angry at me, or dissapointed. I won’t feel alone because I won’t feel at all.

I want time to cease. I want to be so many things, but I am not capable.

That sentence stings, “I am not capable.”
I thought I could do anything if I tried. I thought being good would lead to sucess and happiness.

But I’m just empty. I have nothing left to add to this place.



2 Responses to “Dear Those Who Pass By”

  1. Monica August 30, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    You are not empty! You are just somehow lost … but sometimes we need to get lost to truly find ourself.
    I hope you don’t give up of yourself or life… because as much painful it’s right now, one day you’ll look back and see that those moments stayed in the past and don’t belong anymore to the strong and amazing woman you’ve become.
    I don’t know and either do you. But far far away I’m right now, right here thinking of your and wishing you the most positive thoughts I could think.



  2. anonymous September 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    Dude you have no idea! You are not alone, ever and you shouldn’t feel like you are a disapointment, ever no matter who says what. You are better than what you typed today. I hope you talk to someone(:

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