Dear Best Friend

26 Sep

Dear Best Friend,
I always promised to keep you safe, but it was me who taught you about self-harm. I’ve worked so hard to overcome my problems, but I feel so guilty about yours that I can’t overcome mine completely. I feel responsible for how you express your emotions and your attempted suicides, I can’t stand to think that one day I won’t be there to save you from yourself, and it’s all my fault. You promised me you would stop, but I know it’s not the case. You’ve started talking like you did before, and it’s killing me inside to know that I can’t help you anymore. All I want is to come visit you without having to ask you to show me your arms. I really love and care about you, and it pains me to say it, but I can’t keep worrying about you or I’ll most likely go back to it too. I’m sorry.
Love
-R

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2 Responses to “Dear Best Friend”

  1. Nadia Elpis October 6, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    Dear R.,
    It is a very honest and very touching letter. You are capable of much more than you might be imagining. You’ve shared with us your feelings, you’ve openned up your mind. You’ve talked about something that normally people are affraid to talk about, afraid even to think of. This is already a big deal! And I am grateful to you for this.
    Please, don’t give up neither on your friend, nor on yourself. Look around, search everywhere, find somebody around you who can help. Don’t be afraid of asking for help – it is strength, not weakness. It’s not easy, but it is doable. I wish you all the best and good luck! Thank you, again. N

  2. M October 29, 2011 at 6:20 am #

    I don’t know if you’re still reading comments R. But this is one of the first letters on this site I read after my friend’s suicide attempt, and it hit hard. Because I know that guilt is terrible and so hard to get over, especially when you feel you can’t deal with your own issues and your friends.

    But after enough insistance from everyone around me, I finally learned that I was not at fault. I learned that at a point we won’t be there to save our friends, and I know that hurts worse than any knife. But you have to simply try your best, and take care of yourself too. In the end, you’re all you’ll have.

    I really wish you all the best, you sound like an excellent friend, and you deserve to feel much better than you do now.

    Thank you for the beautiful letter exactly when I needed to see it.

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