Dear You

11 Dec

Dear You,

Exactly seven months ago, we watched a lunar eclipse that occurred on the same day as the winter solstice. We watched the stars together and were lucky enough to catch a shooting star. That night we held hands and cuddled together in blankets as we stayed out until 2:30 in the morning. As our night was winding down to an end, you kissed me and asked me to be your girlfriend. I said no.

But with time, I moved on to saying yes. And I hate to say it, but I wish I didn’t say yes. I wish we just remained friends that everyone thought should get together for the rest of the year, because now I love you and don’t want to be away from you. Now I don’t want to face the reality that we’re not going to be in the same city anymore. I don’t want to face being without you. This could have been prevented if I had turned you down again. And we wouldn’t be putting ourselves at risk of getting our hearts broken.

We’re so young, and I’ve already grown attached  to you because of the things we’ve done together. I’m scared that you’ll fall in love with someone else while we’re apart. I’m scared that I’ll be miserable and fall into a depression. I’m scared you’ll replace me.

You’ve been so important in my life for the last few years, and especially these last few months. The idea of losing you is mortifying; I know that if I were to have my heart broken by you, or vice versa, I wouldn’t have the courage or strength to remain friends with you or have any contact with you.

Did we make the right choice by being together exclusively? What if we fail? I hope and pray to God that we won’t.

I really do love you.

-S.

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