Dear Boy, I don’t want to be a cliché…

8 Feb

Dear boy,

It’s the little things you do that make me smile.

The way you looked at me when you told me I look great. The silly things you said when you tried to teach me how to do the limbo. The expression on your face when you tried to imitate my backbend and it just didn’t work. The enthusiasm in your voice when told me to do a trust fall, and I almost stepped back because I was afraid I would end up on the floor, and you somehow caught me anyway. The total lack of self-consciousness when you spontaneously start dancing to ridiculous songs. Your wild laugh. The way you watch me when I talk, like you’re trying to figure out a puzzle. Your curiosity when you wanted to know my story. How you tell me your story when no one else is around, because you trust me with it. Your smirk when you play inappropriate music in the Lair just to see if I’m listening. Your shock at my naiveté when sexual references are made in my presence. Your unwillingness to explain aforementioned sexual references to me. The fact that you’re a senior and I’m a freshman and you still think it’s cool that our English teacher made an example of my essay to your class. Your gentle fingers in my hair when you insisted on “fixing” it for the interview, and later when you decided it needed to be braided. The exaggerated way you grabbed my hand and dragged me into the Lair that night, knowing I couldn’t face going home, claiming that you needed my help a “very important project” and it “absolutely couldn’t wait.” How you made me write my email down on the back of your hand, even after I hunted down a slip of paper.

I don’t want to be a teenage cliché.  I want this to be different.  It IS different, because it’s all in my head and it’s not going to go anywhere, there’s absolutely no way, I have more sense than to even think about it.  But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming and remembering.

But knowing that all of these little things won’t add up to anything in the end?  That’s what makes me cry.

Yours truly, girl who wishes for more

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2 Responses to “Dear Boy, I don’t want to be a cliché…”

  1. bex March 15, 2012 at 1:57 am #

    everygirl! she speaks!

  2. Kate March 28, 2012 at 1:12 am #

    Ow, my heart feels like it has been stabbed

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