Dear You, do you love me?

13 Jan

Dear You

I was taken by you immediately. Too shy to speak for so long and finally things moved on and now you’re mine.

We’ve been through good times, and some really bad times and I struggle now with the change. Have I changed you? Or have you/we grown up? Do I restrict the person you are? Or are you simply moving on to fresh pastures.

You want to go and be back with what/who you know. I am scared and unwilling for so many reasons.

If I go, I’ll lose me…and possibly the ‘you’ I know….If I don’t, I’ll lose you completely…

Life without you? The thought is unbearable. But life without me…will be a different kind of unbearable for us both.

I’ve tried to find ways/reasons/compromise…I’ve begged you to help me with things I need to do this and you don’t understand or empathise with my feelings. I feel like I’m screaming into a vaccum….

Do you love me? I do love you, really I do, more than myself sometimes….but sometimes you make me feel like a prop rather than someone who means as much as anything else in your life. Your family, your friends, your country, travel… You seem to be able to stand up and fight for everything but me. So I feel isolated and confused.

It seems yet again I’ve been kidding myself. Living with the belief things are a certain way when they are far from it…completely deluded. And just wishing your passion extended to me….

I love you, and I know I’m going to lose you soon….and I miss you already….

C x

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