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Dear Mom

13 Aug

Dear Mom,
Why do you hate me? Why do you say you care but constantly push me away? Why do you always try to take away the things in my life that make me the happiest? Why am I such a ” hoe, whore, bitch ” in your eyes? I know we all say things when were mad, but there’s only so much I can take. You are so mean, so cold, so angry. I tried to mend what we had, but you refused. I don’t want any of it anymore. I just need my answers so I can go about my life. I can’t take the pain of not knowing. I’m sorry I was born. I’m sorry I am here, living & breathing. You are the reason why I feen to feel the cold blade against my skin, but I refuse. I refuse to let you bring me down again. Ha, who am I kidding? Because of you I wish I died that night I tried to kill myself.
Fuck you, you’re slut of a daughter. HA.

Dear Mum & Dad, I trusted you…

12 Nov

Dear Mum and Dad,

Would you like it if I disappeared? Because I honestly don’t know how to be what you want me to be.

Sometimes I think the decisions that you made for me when I was a teenager was for the best – was for my benefit, for my future. But these days, I cannot help think that it was more so for your benefit, your ego, your pride, your concept of perfection, an idea that I cannot live through.

People are different, we were all made different. Why could you not accept the fact that I had dreams and plans too? Why could you not be supportive? Why did you think that my dreams and passion were any less important than yours?

I trusted you to be there for me. I trusted you to guide me. But you didn’t and I’m so so very sad because the biggest regret of my life, right this very instance, was to trust you, trust that it’ll all work out, that this was for the best, that I’ll be alright.

Because I’m not. I really am not.

You made the decision for me because the decision I had made was something you could not deal with. So you dismissed it and acted like you knew better.

You were much wiser than me. You still are much wiser than me. So why couldn’t you see this? Why couldn’t you see that this would happen? And now I’m struggling to figure out how to live a life that was never mine to begin with.

Your Daughter.

Dear Family, why do you reject me for what I am?

24 Jul

Dear Family,

Why? Why do you reject me for what I am? I’ve always tried. I’ve tried to fit in. Why isn’t that enough for you, that I suppress what I really feel on a daily basis just so you won’t look at me wrong in public? Why is it not enough that I stay by your sides through heaven and hell while you wouldn’t do the same for me? It’s not because I’m a “better person”. It’s because of the way your raised me, you hypocrites. Why do you accept my twin, even? Is it because he’s better? Was he the one that was supposed to be? Was I the extra? So I’ve come to a choice. I will try harder. I will keep on trying. I will make it inconspicuous, even. I will play along and be happy. But when I am fully able to, I will leave you, you who never supported my identity. I will leave the memory of you people. I will keep my name (I’m much too proud to be ashamed of that, at the very least) but that’s it. And to think…just because I don’t believe in God like you guys do.

Sincerely,
Your son and brother

Dear Mom & Dad, I’m fat…

9 Mar

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m fat.  I know I’m fat.  You can stop telling me over and over again.  I look in the mirror everyday.  Do you think you could stop focusing on my waistline and be proud of my accomplishments?

From your daughter, who finished her bachelors degree while working full-time and pregnant with her second child, the senior analyst who started out as a file clerk, community volunteer active in church and the local writers association, and mother of three honor students and star atheles, whose youngest daughter says she’s the best mom ever.  Wish you could see what others do.

Dear Mum, I miss you so much…

30 Jan

Mum

I miss you so much. It has almost been a year, and I can’t believe that I still feel such overwhelming grief and loss.  I would do anything to have you back.  I miss you so much

Dear Dad, you told me to leave you alone…

11 Jan

Dear Dad, When you left, you took all of my Christmas ornaments from when I was a baby. You had a yardsale, and somebody said you were selling them, so I went to your house to try to buy them back.

You pushed me off the porch, slammed the door, and told me to leave you alone.

I cried all the way home.

Then, we had to see you in court. I begged my mom to let me stay home, but she insisted I go.

I tried not to look at you.

I kept my cool at the courthouse, but as soon as I got home I ran to my room and cried.

You’ve hurt me more than you will ever know.

Sincerely, one of your kids that you don’t see.

Dear Mom

29 Oct

Dear Mom,

I just wanted to let you know that I know perfectly well that you cheated on Dad last winter. I haven’t told you yet, because I’m not sure how. I think that what you have done will scar you, and me, for the rest of our lives. I hate when you and Dad fight… I know that you try not to fight or act mean to each other in front of us, but I know that things are not going well. Dad keeps sighing all the time and you act like it’s all good and well that you and Dad are seperated. I try to talk to you about how I feel, but you push me away. I don’t feel comfortable talking to Dad either because he is way too depressed to care. I try to keep a smile on my face for Anna because she is younger than me. It’s hard to do that when I am in so much pain over what you have done. You went off and slept at a “tennis camp” with your old college boyfriend. What you have done has broken me and I am thinking about killing myself. Thanks a lot for ruining this family. Sincerely,

Your 12 year old daughter

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