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Dear World: This is my life

19 Sep

Dear World,
This is my life: I am in my 40’s. I immigrated here when I was 2. People have made fun of me for my dark skin, the shape of my nose, my face. I am an American citizen, but people always want to know what country I’m from not what state. I was bullied, called fat and made to feel ugly. My parents are critical, domineering and unloving. All they care about is how fat I am and want me to do everything they tell me; again I am 40. To get away, I married a horrible, selfish, cruel, mean-spirited man. I walk around trying to please them all because I am bullied by all of them. I am afraid and alone. I have filed for divorce and now am filing for bankruptcy. When I look in the mirror, I see a fat, ugly failure. I just want to know what I did to deserve this? And I want to know if it will ever get better? I see people with loving parents. I see women with loving husbands. I want to be them instead of this hopeless waste! Why? I just want to know why no one loves me; not for real? Is there such. thing as a selfless, loving person? Is there?

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Dear World…simply waiting to be Okay again..

12 Dec

There is something about getting to know people that kills me. It never had an effect before, but now the result is huge. You Open up and you give someone A piece of you. There not strangers anymore. They can be closer than a brother. All of sudden they are people and they take on a whole new form and shape. They become real to you. Letting someone get to know you gives them power. They walk around with you and you start to care. You develop feelings because suddenly there not like the rest. Theyre not lost souls just walking around in a big world, or maybe it’s a small world. You let them get so close and you learn their story. They even learn that you have a story too. And all of a sudden their set apart from every other stranger on the street and in the store or behind you in a theatre. You can look them in the eye and see something. You can hear every slight uttering they make and actually hear something. You can graze them or hug them or even kiss them and suddenly it’s real because it wouldn’t have been before. And then they walk away and you finally realize who they are or sometimes even were. You see how influential they were and what they meant to you. But your gone. They took you with them and you know it. You feel yourself gone and you’ve faded. Maybe you think your suppose to be someone else now because how could you ever be you again. And it’s hard everyday finding yourself all over again. Picking up the pieces. Designing the puzzle your destined to be. Just waiting. Waiting..waiting for them to come back..waiting for yourself to move on. Simply, waiting to just be Okay again.

Dear Reader…Stay Strong :)

7 Dec

Dear reader, ❤
No matter who you or are where your from; no matter how many tears you’ve cried, how many memories you have remembered, no matter what has happened in your life, despite of looks to age, I want you to know something.  I know what it’s like to feel like an outcast. To feel like you don’t belong anywhere, and you never have enough friends. I know what it’s like to be hurt. Heartbroken. Bullied endlessly. I know what it’s like to feel like you can do nothing right, or to feel like this is all too much to take on. But I want you to know I’m here for you. No matter if you feel rejected, hurt, afraid, angry, disappointed, lost, depressed, lonely, isolated, to any other problem, you are an amazing person. I know its hard to be yourself in a world trying to make you like everyone else, but staying true to who you are is even more important. The remarks people have made about you are not true. I don’t even have to know you that well, in order to see that you are worth somebody’s attention to the potential your life possesses. You are not just anyone. You are You. And that is beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Sometimes in life we have to go through the hardest times in order to truly get to where we belong. I know it is so hard to be so strong even at a young age. I’m in high-school, and I understand with experience how hard it can be. If you feel like you can’t escape and using self harm is a way to cope, I need you to know this. Even though I have never self harmed myself, I can tell you this. Every time you reach for that blade or any other object like that, I want you to look in the mirror. And say you are somebody who’s going far in life. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are You. And nothing will ever chance that. To those feeling alone, you are never alone. Sometimes it’s good to be alone sometimes, you become your best friend. You truly learn to love yourself, and have a self-confidence not many earn. But remember that many friends and family are always here for you. It is okay to feel like you are lost or even broken, but the thing is, you are never going to be that way forever. The past does not define who you are. Not even the worst mistakes. You can turn your life around with just one smile, to just one thought. To anyone going through a rough time, who feels like the hardship just won’t win. I want you to know, you aren’t the only one. You are such an amazing person who is so strong and smart. You know who you are and not many people seem to these days. I hope who ever reads this feels better about themselves and start’s to smile. Because to me, anything makes a difference. I know what it’s like to be bullied to going through my parent’s divorce, re-marriage to my sibling and father’s depression, and many many unforgettable times. I just need you to know that you are truly beautiful inside and out. Never forget that. Stay strong (:

Dear You (Yes, YOU)

18 Nov

Dear You, (yes, you)

Let me start off this by telling you that if you’re currently considering taking your own life, I’m writing this letter in the hopes that you will listen so that you won’t go through with it.

I’m writing this for the lost, the misguided, the hurt, the confused and the lonely. This is for the depressed whose feelings worsen with each passing day … The outcast who goes off to sit alone and each their lunch away from the cafeteria. This letter is for those who cry in private for fear of letting someone publicly see their tears. This letter is for the bullied and the broken, for the self-harmers who battle daily to overcome.

This letter is for all those who have been left out, alienated, ostracized, belittled, shamed and shunned. For all of you – young, adult, old and in between – who feel like no one hears your silent pain. For all of you who feel like the daily pressures of life and all the stresses that come with it are just too much.

This letter is for all of you.

I hear you. And I understand.

I know that it might be hard for you to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I know that what you’re feeling right now is unbearable. I’ve been there. So allow me to speak from experience.

Whatever you’re going through emotionally? It will pass. I’m sure that fact is difficult to believe because you’re in the middle of your tough situation. But it will fade, because pain is only temporary. And suicide is NOT a way out.

Please consider for a moment those who love and care about you. How would they feel, losing someone so close to them so abruptly? How would they feel knowing your life was snatched away without warning? How would they deal with the aftermath?

A dear friend of mine took his life and I will always, always miss him. I still deal with feelings of confusion, anger and deep sadness. I still wonder why … And what more I could have done for him.

In the past, I was the victim of vicious bullying for a grueling couple of years. I felt like I was trapped. I wanted it all to end. I was desperately searching for an escape. And yes, suicide was an option that I heavily considered. I was drowning in my sorrow and I tried to take my own life.

But just think if I had gone through with it.

I would never have become such a passionate person who speaks out so strongly against bullying and cyber-bullying. Just think if I had gone through with killing myself. I wouldn’t be here, penning this letter in an attempt to reach you right now.

You have a purpose in life. That very sentence might be hard for you to put your faith in because of what you’re going through right now. But you do have a reason for being on this Earth. You might not have discovered that specific reason yet … but if you go through with suicide? You’ll be cheating yourself – and the World – from finding out what that true purpose is.

Your life has meaning. Your soul is priceless! Priceless.

And I realize it’s hard … but life carries both the sweet and the sour. Be easy on yourself, we all struggle. Take things one day at a time. Every second that we are alive is another chance to turn it all around. Please don’t give in and cut your days short before you’ve truly, truly had a chance to live!

I made it through some of the darkest times in my life and I’m still here. Stand with me and show that you’re a Survivor, too. Just know I’m wishing you the best … whenever and wherever you are.

And if you ever need a listening ear? I’m here.

Hope exists.

Love & light! xo – Simply Undrea

Dear Regret, I can’t move on…

4 Oct

Dear Regret,

I know we only lasted a short time, but I keep thinking about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my head and it drive me insane. I just need you out of my life. I can’t move on with you in the back of my head.

Please leave me alone.

Dear Love of My Life, don’t give up on me..

9 Aug

Dear Love of my life,
I know you are out there and waiting for me.  Please don’t lose hope.  I know I will be 40 this year, but please don’t give up on me.  I know somehow, somewhere, some time soon we will find each other; and that hope is the only thing that keeps me going.
Please keep praying and dreaming for me and of me.
love,
the love of your life

Dear Washington, I’m moving…

23 Feb

Dear Washington,

Well, it finally happened. I’m moving now. I guess I won’t have to worry about your weather anymore. But that’s just teasing. I’ll miss the people you hold for me. I’ll never see most of them again. If I do retain contact with any of them, the relationships we had will never be as strong as they are right now. At least I can finally stop worrying about the possibility of moving.

love always,

me

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