Dear Samantha

12 Jun

There were a hundred reasons why we could have worked. As to why not, there was only one. Was it the temporary distance between us? No.

Samantha, you’re a fool, and I’m better off without you.
.
.
.
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So why, six years later, do you still haunt my thoughts?

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Dear Friends

11 Jun

Dear friends,
I just want you to know that if i didnt have you i dont know what i would do . There are some of you that i dont call my true friends. If you were my friends you wouldnt pick on me every single day of my life. You tell me we’re bestfriends and that you’re just joking around but at the end of the day the jokes arent as funny anymore. You need to think about what you are saying because honeslty it isnt okay. I am not going to let you do this to me anymore. It’s time for me to stand up and speak out. Im sorry if I hurt your feelings in the progress but now you will feel the pain you cause me everyday.
Love , your so called “friend”

Dear Former Best Friend

10 Feb

Dear Former Best Friend,
I’m sorry i get drunk and do stupid stuff and i can’t believe i stole that $200 bucks from you. But i hope you know its going for a good thing, my court, and dont act like your mom or dad cant give you more money. I literally have noone and i have to take care of my brother. Yes, you have a kid but you have multiple people who wil help you. I have noone. Literally. I feel horrible but if there was one thing i wish it would be that i just took the whole wallet and i know that makes me a horrible person. Sorry that i did that. But im more sorry i got caught. This is me apologizing. I can now say that i told someone and i feel tons better.Ill make it up to you one day.

Dear God, provide strength

18 Jan

Dear God,
Please bless those who seek you.  Please provide shelter for those who are without shelter. Please provide food for those that are hungry.  Please provide heat for those that are cold. Please provide strength for those who have none left.  Please bless those who seek to heal the wounds that others cause.  Please hear our pleas, our and sighs of despair.
Amen.

Dear the love of my life, don’t get me wrong…

17 Jan

To the love of my life,

I love you. In a really big, achingly beautiful and utterly terrifying way. You have been able to make me happier than I ever thought possible, but you also have the power to break my heart without warning. I am so tired of being disappointed. I feel like these last months have been exhausting and I don’t know how much longer I can keep pulling this relationship along. Day in and day out I feel like I am holding the weight of us on my shoulders, without any help from you. Do you even care? Are you still in this with me?

Communication has always been a difficult thing for me. There are a million different thoughts whirling around my head and I can’t control them anymore. I’m upset. I’m heartbroken that you constantly choose your best friend over me. That his opinions and ideas are more important than mine. Do you realize how much that hurts? Do you realize how my heart breaks everytime you decide that you would rather make him happy than me? I am your girlfriend. You told me I was everything, yet you act like I am just another person you can piss off because I will “just get over it”. I’m not getting over it. I’m crying myself to sleep because I have all these thoughts and no one to tell.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to tell you that I am not happy, yet you’re always more interested in the football game on TV, or the episode of Community on Netflix. Really? Abed’s latest pop culture reference is more captivating than me confessing that I am unhappy? I just don’t understand.

It’s probably my fault. Actually, I know it’s my fault. I deserve better, but so do you. I’m sorry, but I can’t carry this weight anymore.

It’s over. It’s so over

Dear Uncle Davis, I want you to laugh with me..

16 Jan

Uncle Davis,
Well, today marks the first anniversary of your death. And I can’t even begin to tell you how much I still miss you. How much everyone still misses you. You should see what people are still posting to you on Facebook. Just randomly, not only on days like today. It’s like everyone has some connection to you. No matter what anyone does, they think of you while doing it. And I read their stories and I can imagine you there, laughing and smiling and carrying on and I wish you were still here to do all that. I want you to laugh with me on Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and my birthday.
I just really miss you, Davis.
I love you.

Dear You, do you love me?

13 Jan

Dear You

I was taken by you immediately. Too shy to speak for so long and finally things moved on and now you’re mine.

We’ve been through good times, and some really bad times and I struggle now with the change. Have I changed you? Or have you/we grown up? Do I restrict the person you are? Or are you simply moving on to fresh pastures.

You want to go and be back with what/who you know. I am scared and unwilling for so many reasons.

If I go, I’ll lose me…and possibly the ‘you’ I know….If I don’t, I’ll lose you completely…

Life without you? The thought is unbearable. But life without me…will be a different kind of unbearable for us both.

I’ve tried to find ways/reasons/compromise…I’ve begged you to help me with things I need to do this and you don’t understand or empathise with my feelings. I feel like I’m screaming into a vaccum….

Do you love me? I do love you, really I do, more than myself sometimes….but sometimes you make me feel like a prop rather than someone who means as much as anything else in your life. Your family, your friends, your country, travel… You seem to be able to stand up and fight for everything but me. So I feel isolated and confused.

It seems yet again I’ve been kidding myself. Living with the belief things are a certain way when they are far from it…completely deluded. And just wishing your passion extended to me….

I love you, and I know I’m going to lose you soon….and I miss you already….

C x

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